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领导抢我的功劳,该怎么办?|36氪领读

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周末早,不知不觉,2019已经过了两个月了,相信很多小伙伴在年初都立下了读书的flag,现在你的读书计划进行的怎么样了呢?

新的一年,每个人都希望自己能有所进步,为了这个小目标,36氪为大家开设了一个栏目【36氪领读】


未来每周末的早上,我们都会你推荐一本值得读的书,并提供一些书摘,希望我们都能坚持下去,让自己在今年有所收获。


本次推荐书籍为熊太行 《掌控关系》 



|36氪领读

头图来源|东方IC



不止一个人向我说起过:“我的领导在抢我的功劳。”

这种看法是错误的。

两只狮子看见一只羚羊,大打出手,身份、地位相似,这叫“争抢”。

一只鸬鹚下水捕鱼,然后渔人捏着它的脖子让它吐出来。这不叫“争功”,这叫“收获”。

你的领导就在收获你的功劳,他不需要跟你争抢。

如果一个人给你分配工作、安排任务、定你的等级或者薪酬,评估你的工作表现,这个人就是你的领导。你的功劳和别的员工的功劳合起来,就是他的。

当他把你的成果汇报给大领导的时候,你要明白,这是你们共同创造的。他对大领导提及团队,或者专门提及你个人,那是慈悲,是抬举,是加分项。

他全部归功于自己领导有方,这也没有什么奇怪的。

为什么你会觉得领导在跟你抢?我们要好好剖析一下“领导”这个群体了。

你的领导是什么样的人?

大多数行业,中层在35 ~50岁。也就是说,他们是中年人。

前一段时间,有人为新闻里“1988年出生的中年女子”这个表述表示不平。发展心理学里有个词叫“成年中期”,描述的是40~65岁的人。不过,从中国的退休年龄和传统习俗来看,这个称谓可能以35~60岁为范围更为合理。

有的行业成形早,比如商业化程度高的媒体、互联网公司,可能30~35岁就能当主编、28~30岁就能做CTO(这种行业往往老化和磨损也会比较严重)。

大多数更传统的行业里,中层(主任、小机关的科长、大机关的处长、总监)都要在40岁以上。成年中期的人很特殊,尽管心理学家对“中年危机”是否存在有怀疑,但中年人确实面临着衰老和死亡的威胁。

大多数人会第一次真正意识到时间的流逝,老花眼和白发会找上门来。肌肉男和美少女会迅速意识到自己开始老了。过去对外表要求不高的人,倒是心态会好很多。

但是,中年人的工作相对稳定。确实有人仍然在部门负责人的岗位上勇猛精进,但更多的情况是,步入中年的人处在一种相对稳定的状态,开始发展各种兴趣爱好:钓鱼、玩手串、揉核桃……

青年寻求的是钱、房子和美丽的配偶,中年人的生活则越来越多样化:孩子的听话懂事、身体的健康、兴趣爱好的发展……他们关心自己的生活和健康、孩子的教育可能要比工作多得多。

你的领导对当老师没有兴趣

我认识的一位年轻朋友,她在很短的时间内换了几份工作。她跟我抱怨说,她想学东西,她的总监有能力做好,但是不想教她和带她。

我说:“对,你发现了一个真相。”

在高级官员或者成功的企业家身边工作,本身就能学到做事和思考的方式。过去的西洋骑士和日本武士,都会把孩子送到别的武士身边去做扈从或者侍童——当徒弟是学得最快的。

有些在著名企业家身边工作的年轻员工,有时候会被高薪拉去一些小公司,创业小公司负责人很喜欢听他们的意见:

“托尼,如果换了小P老师,他会怎么剪这个头?”过去的手艺人、工匠也收徒弟,但那是一种明码标价的交换。三年学成之后,还要“两年效力”——徒弟给师傅白干两年活儿。这种劳动力换学费的设置很清楚。但是,在现代企业里,大多数有能力教人的人,其实对教徒弟兴趣不大。

所以,做徒弟要有眼力见儿。在不影响工作的前提下,如果帮领导解决掉诸多琐事,他就会腾出时间和精力来指点你。这种事你不主动,谁主动?

领导要教人,得心存感激

我曾经工作过的媒体圈,大家有互相称呼老师的习惯,到最后“老师”泛滥,出现了“实习生老师”“前男友老师”这样的称呼。媒体圈,因为有写作这个必须传、帮、带的手艺,确实要有非常传统的师徒关系,但在大多数行业里,你不能期待领导做你的老师。

有的公司会培养一些有才干的年轻人,或者因为付给一个年轻人的薪水低而选择雇用他,然后让“中干”(也就是你的领导)搭进去时间和精力去培养和训练他。

公司雇用他节省下来的费用,并不会加在中层身上,最多会象征性地涨一点儿工资。但是,金钱激励对中年人(许多富有的中年人)来说是不算什么的。买到或者分到几套房,出售或者出租的钱才是收入的大头。

在这种公司,大多数师徒关系,是要徒弟更主动才能形成的。

中年人是特别怕麻烦、对工作可能已经倦怠的人。要向他们请教,就必须看上去什么都不懂。中年领导如果对年轻员工特别热心,上赶着要教,那要么是精力过剩,要么是别有用心,或者既精力过剩又别有用心。

所以,要主动请教,展示你是一个成就需要很高的人,显示出自己是一个潜质极好的人。告诉领导自己是一个很强大、以后他“开山立柜”可用的人;让他明白,你是一个很长情、他老了还能帮他办点儿事的人。

资质好、有雄心,这个人就可以教。这样形成的师徒关系,不要归于工作关系,要把它当作私人情谊来感激,离开了公司也要经常联系。

如果相反地,认定对方有教自己的义务,甚至把领导当园丁、蜡烛、春蚕,那你就一定会失望。你当了高考状元,你有奖学金,老师有奖金,大家都会获得利益。

但是,在公司不同。领导可能要分配给你奖金,你希望他无欲无求、一心奉献,这是不现实的。现实中,徒弟长本事长得太快,有干掉领导、取代领导的可能,大家就会反目成仇了。

同样地,如果你是领导,也不要对师徒关系期待太高,更不要把徒弟的离职看作对自己的背叛,要大方地送出祝福。

我强调过好多次这句话:“做人留一线,日后好相见。”

大领导眼中的你

我以前曾经说过一句相当残忍的话:“手下的手下,就跟路人差不多。”一般只有规模极小的公司,大领导才可能照顾底层员工的感受。

大领导比你的领导还要忙,可能处在成年中期的偏后期。这个年龄段的许多人,已经对养花、书法、钓鱼有兴趣了。他和公司的利益可能联系很紧密,他对小麻烦可能会更没有耐心。

有人对我说:“明天,我要跟领导一起向大领导汇报,我应该做哪些准备呢?熊老师,你要教我,我紧张死了。”我说:“你可以好好准备,但是别有什么期待。”

大多数的大领导,对年轻人都对不上号。军队里,团长以上可以称为首长,一个团至少1000人。团长认识所有的营连级干部没问题,认识所有小兵根本没可能,你在他眼里只是兵力的一部分。

恺撒说自己认识三万名士兵(都能对上脸),有吹牛的嫌疑,但领导记忆力好确实很重要。记得下属的名字容易收获人心。

《鹿鼎记》里,韦小宝说要给十几个侍卫报功,把他们名字都用记忆力记下来(他不会写字),果然大家都对他赞不绝口。

对大领导来说,管好几个下属,下属去管理基层员工就够了。每个人都想越级找大领导,想露个脸、提意见,那大领导很快就会累坏了。

两人翻墙,你蹲下,他踩你上去,然后他伸手,来拉你。你可别被踩一脚就大呼小叫:“天哪,我被践踏了!我的领导侮辱了我的人格!”如果你的领导不懂得照顾你的利益,请尽快离开他,愚忠会死得很惨。多对自己说几遍:“俺这一腔血,只卖与识货的。”

如果你是一位部门领导,下半年你可能需要增加一个部门副职。现在,你手下有四个人,哪个是最合适的人选:

点击下方空白区域查看答案

正确答案:C。

C是一个大家都能接受的选择。你可以考虑给A或者D有意无意地透露这种可能,告诉他们这次没有选择他们的原因,让他们拿出更多的力量来为提升自己寻找机会,而不是为一个晋级机会来比拼。应该结合效率和团结,同时让所用的人对自己忠诚。




《掌控关系》 作者:熊太行


作者简介


熊太行,人际关系洞察家,心理咨询师,十万加付费专栏作者,服务超过14万人的“得到”《关系攻略》专栏作者、自媒体“就叫熊太行也行”创始人,《博客天下》杂志前主编。

作者专注人际关系研究与教育多年,基于心理学、政治学、传播学、社会学,跨学科形成了别具一格的人际关系理论与方法。

内容简介


如何在职场上更受欢迎?如何解决激烈的家庭冲突?如何拿回自己的人生掌控权?

《掌控关系》是一本人人都需要的关系百科。本书详细拆解了几十种人际关系,内容覆盖自我关系、职场关系、亲密关系、家庭关系、社交关系五个领域,教你分析处境、管理情绪、从容出击、理性应对。


如果看完想要了解更多书上的内容

可以扫描下方二维码

抢先阅读这本《掌控关系



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